My preschooler.

Mercy started preschool this week. Yep, we finally finished all her evaluations and testings and she qualified for the school district's preschool. It's a bit bittersweet for me, because on one hand, I'm so glad that she's FINALLY going to be getting the assistance and therapy that I just can't seem to give her, but on the other, it's a blow to the mother ego. Does that make sense? Like I feel I've already failed her somehow, and she's only three. That doesn't seem to bode well. I know that's not the case, but that doesn't mean I don't still think it sometimes. Anyways, her teacher, Miss Dana, rocks. I mean, seriously ROCKS. I couldn't have dreamed up a more perfect teacher for Mercy if someone had let me.

All weekend Mercy kept talking about going to see Miss Dana and her kitchen (there's a play kitchen in Miss Dana's room). So monday morning CJ took Mercy to the mall in the morning to get her haircut. He said she did so well, just sat there with her head straight and let them cut! Afterwards he treated her to Claire's and they got Mercy a Hannah Montana backpack and a pink bracelet, and they got their pictures taken in one of those photo booths. They came home and we got her bag ready, put some extra pullups in it and another outfit, and then ate some lunch.

Then I took her to school. We had to go to the office first so they could photocopy her birth certificate, and Mercy got worried when we got back in the car to drive around the corner to the drop off place. I had to keep saying "let's get back in the car to see Miss Dana! Miss Dana's going to be waiting to see us around the corner" and so on. We got there a bit early and didn't know what to do, so she and I sat in the van for a bit, just playing. Then two teachers came out to "collect" the kids, so I got mercy out and walked over, not sure what to do. Luckily one of the teachers recognized Mercy and said "hi Mercy! Are you ready for class with Miss Dana?" and took her hand. So I got back to the van and watched them for awhile. She looked so small standing against the fence, all alone, I started tearing up right then. She ended up holding another little girls hand and they walked into the school together, not once looking back at me.

When i got back in the van and turned it on, Brick (by Ben Folds Five, I think Erin sent radio vibes to my van) was playing, right at the verse "And she's feeling more alone than she ever did before". And I baaaaaawled. I mean full on tears coursing down my face, heaving cries, all that. No pretty crying at all.

CJ, Porter and Jameson came with me to pick Mercy up, and we got there early (again). I saw mercy come out of the school and got out of the van. She saw me too, because she tried to veer off the path and come straight to me, but there was a fence there. Miss Dana came out with her and said that Mercy did really well and had a great day, so whew. She told me some of what she did, but honestly, I was so happy that she said Mercy did well that I don't remember. *blush* Something about shapes... Anyways. We tried to get Mercy to say what she did, but she wasn't interested in talking about it, she kept saying things that she saw out the window.

Tuesday went equally well, they even had a fire alarm drill and Mercy did great. Which is wierd, since when our fire alarm goes off at home (which it does at least once a month, the kitchen and the fire alarm think it's funny or something) both she and Porter freeeeeeeeak out.

Miss Dana said that we could put a notebook in Mercy's backpack and we could write notes to her or her to us, so yesterday I went to Target and found some of their notebooks were on sale, and got a nice one. It was plain looking, so I decided to dust off some paper scrap supplies and be crafty-ish with it.

Nothing fancy, just enough to satisfy.

Then it came time to write my first note in it. What did I want to say? What I really wanted to say was

Dear Miss Dana,

Please be careful with my Mercy. She's a spitfire, from sweet to tantrum in .5 seconds flat. She can be frustrating, especially when you don't understand her speech yet. She's also probably going to be very quiet for a bit, since new situations really make her nervous. She's not used to being around a lot of kids, and she tends to withdraw while she susses out the situation. But don't underestimate her. She's a very intelligent little girl, she knows all the letters in the alphabet by sound and by sight, as well as her numbers, colors and shapes. She soaks up learning new things like a sponge, and loves books.

She is also the three year old love of my life. She's one of the best things to happen to me, so tread carefully. It hurts my heart that I can't be there with her 24/7 anymore, and I need you almost as much as she does, to be my eyes and her protector. I know the impact that a teacher can have on a child's life, and I know that impact will be for the better with you. Thank you for being an answer from Heaven.

But instead my first note reads

Miss Dana,

Mercy's skin is breaking out around her mouth because it's so cold lately and her skin is sensitive. If you could, there's a small tube of Aquaphor in her bag, could someone please put some around her mouth if you notice it looking pretty red, or if she starts licking her lips?

Thank you so very much.

I wonder if Miss Dana can read my first message in between the lines...