Before You Meet My Children...

Sometimes I feel like I need to slap a Surgeon Generals Warning on my kids, before they see people they don't know or haven't seen in awhile. Seriously. My kids are slightly crazy, even by my standards (and I'm sure those of you who've known me for awhile, especially pre-marriage, who say I have some strange tendencies cute quirks) . CJ thinks they're just toddlers/pre-k'ers, so people will just think it's cute. But, to be a totally honest person here, if *I* met my kids for the first time and they did some of their moves on me, I'd think their parents must only feed them by throwing Cheetohs at them or something. Okay, maybe not... but I'd think "Whoa. That's.... interesting... MY kids would never do that."

So, since we're going to SoCal in a few days, on the off chance we run into anyone who reads this blog, consider yourself forewarned, try to be more like CJ than like me when you see my kids. And remember, they're freaking adorable to look at, so maybe just admire from afar and pretend they're the poster children for normal life.

When M meets someone new that she likes or gets excited about something, she acts like a dinosaur. You think I'm lying, but I'm not. She bends over, puts her hands out like claws, and kind of marches on the spot on her tippy toes, and starts growling/roaring. She (and P) think this is hilarious, and it usually results in her chasing P around the room while he giggles hysterically and she giggles/roars at him. And sometimes, if you're really lucky, she'll start going in a circle by herself, not chasing anyone, almost like a dog dinosaur chasing its tail.

M loves to make up random stories that you won't understand half the words in. And if she mentions that it's Jeremy, Isis or Mollys birthday, just nod. That's her toy cat/real cat/real dog. Every week one of them has a birthday, apparently. Luckily I cottoned on to that before she suckered me into buying Molly a present. I wasn't quick enough to figure it out before Jeremy's birthday though, so the toy cat she carts around with her has a very nice green collar with a bell on it. Happy birthday, Jeremy.

P will not look at you. At all. Chances are he won't look at us either. And he won't answer any questions, from you or from us. Sorry, it's my shy side coming through in him. But give him a few minutes to warm up, and he'll charm the candy away from you with his infectious laugh though. The kid can get almost anyone to laugh, just by hearing his giggles. Best sound in the world.

When one kid gets crazy, chances are the next in line will too. M and P are known for almost literally bouncing off the walls. They like to pretend to be very odd animals, and you end up laughing hysterically or else slightly embarrased to be seen with such mini hooligans. We try to calm it down, but they're 3 and 4. They don't really "do" calm, unless you catch them sleeping.

P loves to play WAKE UP! To play with him, you have to tell him "go to sleep!", he'll lean/fall over and pretend to be asleep by half closing his eyes and snoring. Then you have to yell "WAKE UP!" and he jumps and yells "aaahhhh!" and starts giggling. Then it's his turn to do it to you. Make sure you do it right, or he'll whack you in your pretend sleep. No joke.

J has taken to playing WAKE UP! too, and can drop down and pretend sleep better than most kids can. But he'll hit you everytime, just because that's how he rolls. Sorry, we're working on it. But he's 1.5 years old, he doesn't really get it, and he's not trying to hurt you. He just doesn't really talk yet, so he can't yell "WAKE UP!" at you yet, so he does the next most effective thing.

J loves to be a lizard. Yeah... I know, sounds wierd. He does it when he sees something he likes, or gets something he likes, like ice cream. He just flicks his little tongue in and out of his mouth, making a "thip, thip" kind of sound. Bad description, but once you see it in person, it's the cutest thing ever.

P is three right now. And acts it. He has a very dramatic side and a very sweet, funny side. I'm hoping on the trip the dramatic side stays at home to chill, but I'm not getting my hopes up. He has no problem yelling at me about very odd things, for example:
Me-P, would you like some Goldfish crackers?
P-NO! NO GOLDFISH FOR ME!
Me-okay, I'll put them away.
P-Nooooo! I said I WANT the Goldfiiiiiissssshhhhhhhh!
Me-err... right, okay, here you go.
P-THANK. YOU. *stompstompstomp*
And then, 5 minutes later:
P-Mummy, can you pwease pour me some juice?

It's all very disconcerting.

J hits CJ when J gets angry about something. It could be you that has made him mad, but it'll be CJ that reaps the punishment. We're still trying to figure that one out and nip it in the bud before it moves on to hitting others... like moi.

J is slightly very attached to me. Slightly. Actually, he'll play with other people no problem, just don't pick him up until he's ready, or he'll start pointing at me and saying "mama, mama, mama" until you hand him over or put him down.

I'm sure there's more things, but I can't think of them right now.



And no, I will not give you photographic/videographic evidence. That makes it even more obvious that it is in fact our fault that the kids are so bizarre, if we would film it just for the viewing by others.

But I'm totally willing to do it if you pay me.