A Week From Down South...

...way way south. That dirty little words we're not supposed to say but it always slips out when something crappy happens. To be Mormon, H-E-double hockey sticks. Oh, screw it.


Hell.


This past week sucked royally. My computer stopped working on Tuesday, a bit annoying but meh, we thought we'd just take it to Best Buy the next day to get it taken care of. Took it in, and waited while the tech said he would back up all my documents before he got started fixing it. Looked at/drooled on the laptops, tried to figure out the Wii, totally failed at it, wandered... finally the tech came out and said "I'm sorry...." and my brain went to mush. He couldn't find any of my documents and he'd exhausted all efforts. My photos, my programs, my scrapbook pages. Gone. Three years worth of my babies lives, disappeared without a glance.

I started crying in the middle of Best Buy. Red faced, eyes pouring, nose running, words not forming properly... yeah. I tried to compose myself in the bathroom but didn't help much. A sweet Best Buy employee tried to comfort me a bit, but didn't help much. The tech kept saying he was so sorry, he understood because it happened to him too, but really... didn't help much.

I picked up my desktop, walked out to the car, put it in the back of the van, got in the drivers seat and called my mum, and lost it. I'm pretty sure I scared the living daylights out of her, but I had to cry it out with someone, and bless CJ but he wouldn't understand like another woman would. Yes, I have some of my photos uploaded to various photo sites, and some on CD, but I haven't backed them up on CD or another harddrive. Stupid of me, right? For the past few months, ever since Jesse lost her photos, I've had that niggle in the back of my head that I need to back up my photos, get an external harddrive, burn them to CD/DVD... it kept popping into my head constantly, but I was comfortable in my ignorance I guess? I just kept ignoring that whisper... that was the worst part for me, afterwards. That I could have totally prevented the heartbreak that I was feeling, by listening! It's like I told my mum, I felt like such a hypocrite. I stand at the front of Relief Society every other month and tell the sisters how they need to listen to the Spirit, to the still small voice, and then I totally blow it off for months?! Really?? Seriously!!? Ugh. UGH.

Anyways. I talked to my mum and she told me I *had* to get a second opinion, if I did a system restore without getting another opinion then I needed my head checked. So I arrived home somewhat calmer {not really} , CJ came out to see why I hadn't come in, and that started me on a fresh bout of tears. I sat on the couch, vacantly staring at House Hunters and randomly spouting off "I'm so frickin' STUPID" and "it's all gone. It's just... gone" and the likes, and then got out the yellow pages with CJs prodding. I found a local store called The Technology Nook, and called them. They said to bring it in and they'd see what they could do, so I did. I told them I didn't have a ton of hope, but I couldn't just not try.

Thursday came. No word from them, so I called. I couldn't really understand them, so I went to the store. Lovely lovely man talked to me, got some more info, and said he'd call me when he knew anything.

Friday came, and he called. And he found my photos. I cried and then started laughing hysterically. You know that laugh you get when you're slightly crazed about something? That's what came out of me. Don't ask me how he found it, he told me but I'm just not that technical. I know what I need to in order to play with my computer, but the deep codes and all that... nope. I just know that something, probably a virus, got in and destroyed my partition I believe, and did something to hide my documents in a deep, dark corner. He found them on the last option he had, and I'm so freaking grateful he did.

I just got my computer back today, because I have just SO much stuff on this computer. I believe over 40 GBs of photos and programs and such.... eeks. Plus they were being a bit difficult in coming out, but I do NOT care. I would wait a month for them. It's ALL my childrens photos, all their births {not the gross stuff} , their firsts, their ups and downs, MY ups and downs... all of it. I went to bed on Wednesday and as soon as I turned the light off, photos started flashing through my mind, memories that I'd never be able to show them evidence of... my stomach cramped up and I would start crying all over again. Those huge, gut wrenching sobs that you just can't stop. A bit extreme for photos, I'm sure some people are thinking. But photographic memories are a huge thing to me, huge. I'll keep anything that I associate with a memory, and photos even moreso. Sometimes they're all you have left of someone or something. I only have 2 photos of me and my father, and as much as I dislike him, that's a huge part of who I am. The thought that something could happen to me or CJ in the next year and all the kids would have had of us were some photos I may have uploaded to a website? That terrifies me.

I'm SO grateful. I'm grateful for a man in this little town who knew computers well enough to find my treasures for me. I'm grateful that he only wanted $180 to do that for me, especially when Best Buy said they could send it to some place in California to look for my photos, but that it would probably cost me $1000 to do it. I'm grateful for my photos being given back to my ignorant self. And as bizarre as this sounds, I'm so grateful for this lesson. Not the lesson of "make sure you back everything up" {but really... make sure you back everything up} , but the lesson I learned in not just listening a little better to that still, small voice, and the other lesson I learned.

I finally, FINALLY learned to say "Thy will be done, just help me find peace in it". Sounds whack, right? But it's true. It's something I've struggled with all my life, but this really finally taught me. Maybe it was the combination of following MckMama and their struggles with Stellan {they still need prayers, but she and he amaze me} or hearing MaryBeth talk in Relief Society {you are amazing, woman. you can Zumba me anytime} , but as much as this hurt me to go through, there are so many other things that are more trying to go through. As much as it physically hurt me to say at first, I finally learned to mean saying "Thy will be done". That's NOT the reason I got my photos back, this happens to great and wonderful people who deserve their photos back so much more than me. But I do believe that Heavenly Father knew that I could learn from this no matter what the outcome. There's a purpose in everything, I hope I truly did learn the purpose in this. Trust that voice, and learn to let go... If that's not what I was meant to learn, I really hope I learn it soon.

So there is my spiritualness all typed out. Don't expect anything remotely classy from me for a good while, it takes too much out of me. Bring me the shallow goodness of Psych (THANKS MUM FOR THE SEASON DVDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and the mundane blankness of exercising at the gym (I hate it, but it's necessarily evil).

And I'm SO freaking glad the man thought to find my iTunes. Couldn't live without my new anthem. What is it, you ask?


All-American Rejects.


"Gives You Hell".


Yes, yes it does.